An Inconvenient Stew

The following news items will indeed lend credence to the fact that we can never predict an outcome, no matter how much we may try. We can be optimistic, which I prefer, and live each moment as though we aren’t sure of the next, or we can flounder about in our own Inconvenient Stew, complaining about every last item on the Menu of Life. Regardless of which path we choose, there is really only one thing of which we can be certain: uncertainty. That being said, fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.

The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries.

Dental records provided the police with a positive identification. Investigators set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute the diver was swimming happily in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket dangling, over 300 feet in the air above the ocean. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5’10” of the fire. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen.

The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife immediately ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the local hospital, the wife righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels into the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and all of the damage done to his motorcycle.

He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and began to smoke… a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl, while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor.

His trousers had been blown completely away and he was suffering from third degree burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran off to the phone to call the ambulance back. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them out in the street. The paramedics loaded her husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them the story and the paramedic started laughing so hard, he slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband down the remaining stairs… thusly the husband also broke his arm.


~ by upbeatmag on June 26, 2009.

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