A Hole in The Soul

Psychologically-wounded adults and kids who can’t feel, bond, or exchange love live in a society which glorifies and idealizes love, “closeness,” intimacy, and caring. Behavioral evidence of genuine bonding is an inescapable social norm. Seeking to feel normal in their own eyes and in society’s, damaged people often become experts early in life in pretending to feel true attachment to parents, relatives, friends, and lovers. They observe how loving adults and kids behave, and become skilled at sounding and acting just like them— but they don’t feel attached or committed. A common result is they convince themselves that they can bond and love— so if another person doesn’t feel a bond, the person in protective denial is sure the other person is the problem, not them. These walking/talking wounded are often very attractive both socially and professionally.

People with this “hole in the soul” and other false-self wounds often are controlled by an Addict sub-self who strives to mute or distract inner kids’ discomfort or numbness and emptiness. Addictions to substances, activities, relationships, and/or emotional states inevitably corrode personal health and marriages, promote low-nurturing environments, hurt dependent children, and cause more inner pain…

My guess is that this perpetually opened scar/wound which is referred to as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) by psychiatrists— is really the composite result of five other widespread symptoms (which can be hidden/masked for years): a fragmented personality as well as excessive shame, guilt, fears, and reality distortions… but more importantly… difficulty trusting wisely. But the answer is somewhere in between medicine and spirituality… it is compassion. Compassion can be transmitted through many forms of words and actions. We recognize its energy when we feel that certain swelling in our hearts, for it is the heart that senses compassion. When compassion touches us we feel seen for who we truly are— as more than our troubles, our needs.

Compassion distinguishes human presence from all other presence on the earth. The human mind is one of the most gracious gifts of creation. The human mind is the place where nature gathers at its most intense and at its most intimate. The human being is an in-between presence, belonging neither fully to the earth from which he/she has come, nor to the heavens toward which his/her mind and spirit aim. In a sense, the human being is the loneliest creature in creation. Paradoxically, the human being also has the greatest possibility for intimacy. I link compassion immediately with intimacy.

Compassion is the ability to vitally imagine what it is like to be an other, the force that makes a bridge from the island of one individuality to the island of the other. It is an ability to step outside of your own perspective, limitations and above all, your ego, and become attentive in a vulnerable, encouraging, critical, and creative way within the hidden world of another person.


~ by upbeatmag on May 14, 2011.

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