The Fear of Connection

I may never find the words to express how it feels to reach out to someone only to be given a brief word or two [no REAL explanation] and a quick, “Here’s hoping your life goes well…” What I have learned over the past 50 years [I’ve been here far too long… LOL!] is that you cannot reach every single person and not everyone will “get” you, who you are, your kindness, compassion and sincerity. You CAN make a difference, touch lives and choose to be loving, compassionate and kind… but the rest is really out of your hands. We all touch each other’s lives in one way or another. We are indeed all connected. But the most important constant that reaches the core of our souls is love. It trumps everything else that we convince ourselves we need so desperately. The more we need, the less we understand. Love is a gift. It is friendship and family… and so much more. I love it when people try to convince me [because I believe he/she is trying to convince themselves] that they… “have a good sense of people”, it’s rather sad… because the very same people end up wondering “how they could have been so wrong? Why would anyone deceive them for so long?”

It has nothing to do with “knowing” or “having a good sense of people”. You see, if you surround yourself with deceptive people… you don’t have to get “close” to them. Odd as that may sound, it’s exactly what some people do in order to keep up appearances. Meanwhile, the TRUTH, which lingers on… is that these people are lonely, disconnected from anyone who could possibly love them… and they really don’t have to open up or be honest… or God forbid, vulnerable. It’s a great trick because so many people in their circles are so very self-absorbed— they don’t notice.

Something I will never understand is why some people “choose” to be cut off, disconnected and unfortunately lost in his/her own perpetual self-induced drama, surrounded by phony, self-absorbed narcissists who easily move on to the next “free party”, or “free ride”. I really do feel sorry for those people. Not because they tend to spend a great deal of time trying to reinvent themselves… but because of the reasons they use to rationalize it all. The world isn’t getting easier. To quote a line from my all-time favorite TV Show, Buffy The Vampire Slayer… “The hardest thing in this world … is to live in it.” But like it or not, we must do just that.

And my lesson? You don’t just stop caring about someone because that person decided it for you. You live, you learn… and you don’t allow anyone to convince you to stop believing. Or as my favorite mentor, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer says, “With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

And to my friend? I will always be here, for as long as I am supposed to be… whatever that means.


~ by upbeatmag on January 10, 2012.

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